Grieving a ‘superhero’ and balancing college

By Michael Bolcato

On Jan. 30 at around 6 p.m., my father Michael F. Bolcato was pronounced dead. I was home when it happened along with my mom, my grandma and my pet boxer dog. My father was 58 years old when he passed away. Now, almost a month later, I am still experiencing grief. 

What is grief? Grief is essentially a deep, shallow feeling that is usually caused by a death, especially of someone who is very close to you. Many college students experience grief every day. Healgrief.org reports that roughly between 35% to 48% of college students have or are experiencing grief every day from the death of a loved one. 

My dad meant so much to me. He was practically my superhero. We did everything together, from going to taekwondo to watching every single Marvel movie in the theater. The last few months of his life were by far the happiest, as he wanted to check in with me every single day for the last three months until his untimely passing. We shared some great laughs too. His death was very sudden as our family all had no idea that this was going to happen to him.   

He only got to live in our dream house in New Egypt, New Jersey, for a few months until his passing. Our family sold our house of 23 years in Jackson, New Jersey, over the summer. My dad got to ride his dream car, the Ford Bronco, for only 10 days until he passed. He was seen as the mayor of the gym by locals who knew him, as he would be at the gym bright and early every single morning at 4 a.m. My dad would talk to everyone at the old Stop & Shop in Jackson that closed down. He was called “the mayor of Jackson,” as well, because he knew so many people in the town.

My dad was also known for rescuing many boxer dogs throughout his lifetime. Our family has had four different boxers ever since he and my mom married in 2002. 

So far, my dealing with the grief since the passing of my father has been a roller coaster ride, to say the least. There are days where I am really happy but then there are days when I am really sad and thinking of my dad. Life is pretty much a roller coaster, with its highs and lows, and that is what I have learned from experiencing grief over the past few weeks. Dealing with grief has been a ride for me. 

During this time of grief, however, there has been a light for me at Rider University. I have gained tons of support from my friends and family here at Rider. The university has so many different organizations, like TRIO Student Support Services and the Counseling Center, that have helped me during this tough time in my life.

I meet with the Counseling Center at least once a week and they have helped me so much navigating this difficult time. Every time I go in there, I get treated with 30 minutes of a weighted blanket and coloring book time. It is such a great way to relieve stress and help me relax. TRIO has been a great help through this tough time, as well. My TRIO counselor is my high school history teacher’s wife, so that brings in extra support for me. 

I also would like to shout out and say thank you to all of my friends and family here at Rider and in Jackson. All of you mean so much to me and I love all of the support that I have been getting over the past few weeks. 

Grief is not an easy thing to deal and process with, as many people know. It is a thing that may never go away, but knowing my dad, he is up there looking after me every single day and taking care of me. I will always love you, Dad!

Michael Bolcato is a junior communication studies major